The smell of fall

I love the smell of fall, especially the smell of campfires. I love the smell of the leaves and the cold brisk air. It is by FAR my favorite time of year. I could give a hoot about summer, the heat is ridiculous and unnecessary. People feel they have to wear less than appropriate clothes and I could go on and on. But, fall.....Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Right now I am smelling a burial pyre that poppa did for one of our piggies who unfortunately lost its life too soon. :( We found her not doing well when we got back from Home School Camp. )The next morning she was dead. When Poppa was taking care of her he found what he thought to be bite wounds on her rear flank (this sounds like the goats all over again). I feel better though thinking that something killed her, as opposed to her dying for some unknown reason. Any way it was a needless death, we are debating what to do with the remaining hog. Breed or butcher? We are leaning towards breeding, however, we need to build a (thing she has her babies in, can't think of the name of it) before we would breed. These big girls are wonderful momma's but do occasionally lay down on a piglet or two. To avoid that you build a "nesting box" that is slanted so the momma can only get in so far, and , the babies can get away from her. I am not sure right now I am ready for that step. The thought of being stuck with 14 piggies and not being able to find buyers for meat scares me :)
We are doing My Fathers World for school this year. We are doing Jake and Charley together. Both in the first grade. It is working out REALLY well. I love this curriculum , it is totally focused around God. I think it is so important to show our children that God is truly part of our every day lives and not just someone that we worship on Sunday and have an obligitory Bible study mid week.  My Fathers World really seems to do that better than anything else we have used so far.  We started Abe in Kindergarten but we are going to hold off on him for another year ( he's only 4) and start he and Adelaide together. I like pairing the kids up and doing it that way. It makes things a bit easier for momma, and poppa :)
I have been a baking FOOL since the weather has cooled off. I made several pies (including my first raspberry pie, for our neighbor who has been kindly mowing our yard) and 2 custard pies. I tell ya there is nothing better than a home made custard pie, with home made from lard pie crust. The custard was a little "lighter" than it would have normally been, I used left over egg whites from the noodles I've been making. Although the heavy cream made up for the extra egg whites ! YUMMMY! I have yet to make a pumpkin pie, although with the cinnamon rolls I made at the beginning of the week I used pumpkin pie spice as opposed to cinnamon alone. I prefer the traditional way but poppa liked it better. I use the PW reciepe and it is AWESOME ! I can eat these cold and with no icing, they are still fabulous! What is your favorite "fall" thing

Skirts and Cleaning

Wow, where did June go? I realize my blog got totally neglected last month! So sorry about that!
   Where to start? First I think I'll start with the skirts; there is something to be said for wearing them. That's for sure. I have had people ask me about my faith (Titus 2:12-14). I have had a man get out of his truck in the pouring down rain to open my door. I am not saying that these things would not have happened if I was wearing pants, but I feel that it is much less likely. There has been one or two times where I have not worn skirts but the focus was still on being feminine. I feel more feminine and hope that I am setting an example for my girls. Skirts are cooler, and they are honestly more comfortable. I was always told this by my ever loving mother, but , in my vast wisdom, thought she was crazy!
    
     I came across a blog a few weeks ago called Simple Homeschool. This lady had some GREAT ideas as far as home management was concerned.  She does 2 things I have started to implement. 1) Once a month cleaning. did you hear me?? ONCE A MONTH CLEANING! How awesome is that! I have had so much peace knowing that I don't have to clean my house every day (yeah right) or every week. She picks a day, she doesn't do school that day. Has a game plan laid out. Doesn't cook dinner. She cleans the WHOLE HOUSE. I picked Thursdays since that is usually our pizza night (makes dinner easy for me). My first thursday was about 3 weeks ago. I didn't get the whole house done, but, I got the 3 major areas. Living room, kitchen, bathrooms. My thought was to divide the day into 2. On the 4th thursday of the month, I would clean the 3 major living areas. On the 2nd thursday I would do the 3 bedrooms. It worked really well!! Well I haven't done the bedrooms yet, that is this coming thursday. It gives me such peace in knowing when I need to clean, instead of always thinking I am behind and I HAVE to do something. Of course you spot clean when you have a mess, and I vacuum the living room everynight because of Big Dog. The major things though are only once a month. Now if you all already do this, I am so happy for you. I wish you would've told ME! If I could only get someone to pay me......
   
      The other thing she does is De clutter for a month. She has 12 areas in her house ( I could only come up with 12 if I counted individual closets, the basement 2x, and the car port) Each month she takes the entire month and focuses on 1 room. Some people will say declutter for 15 minutes in one area, set the timer, when it goes off stop and walk away. YEAH RIGHT! I cannot do that. If I have started something I feel the need to finish it. This way I have a whole month to do one room. If I want to get it all done in one day, great. If not I have at the most 31 days, and at the least 28 days to get it done. This has been so great for me.
    
     A few years ago I signed up on Flylady and was COMPLETELY overwhelmed with emails, I got like 10 a day. That really turned me off to her. A friend mentioned her to me again the other day and I got on her FB page where she has a daily "flightplan" of goals to help you get things accomplished.She also does a 30 day plan to help you make things habit. My struggle here is she has daily steps to get you started. Day 1 - shine your sink (done) Day 2- dress to your shoes (ok who does this?? I don't like shoes ~unless I haven't swept !~) . Can't I do both of these things in the same day? I want to hurry thru and get them all done NOW ! When I get on a roll its hard to hold me back ! We will see how this goes, I am hoping to make it thru the whole month, without forgetting about it!

     Tomorrow is Charlotte's 5th birthday. I can't believe she is going to be FIVE! I will have to blog about that one later! Love and hugs to all!

Spring has Sprung

Rain, rain, rain! It has made the ground so soft, so much easier to work with than usual. Yes in places it has been just downright sopping, but, I would rather have the rain than none! My hair on the other hand could do without all the humidity! Oh well!
     It has been a VERY fruitful spring so far here on the homestead. Almost 3 weeks ago, Toastie my cat, had kittens, 6 adorable kittens. There are 2 males and 4 females, she had them in a box in our bathroom (like any good cat should).  Two nights ago she decided for whatever reason she wanted to move them. I imagine it is because she felt I was taking to many liberties with picking them up and petting them. I was started to let the kids pet them and I assume she just felt they would do better under my nightstand. As long as I know where they are, I am fine with that!
     We have had a brooding hen ( a black silkie) for about five weeks now. I have never seen a brooding hen in action before, it is VERY neat. Basiclly she sits in her nesting box ALL DAY, she seemed to have started laying on one or so of her eggs. Now that the other hens know she is brooding, they climb up in the box with her and lay their egg (pretty much on top of her) and she scoops that egg into her clutch and sits on it. This hen DOES NOT get up. We have a hen that *thinks* she is a brooder but she gets bored after about 2 days and gets down. I suspect she has ADD and just can't sit still that long.  :) Anyway this hen had about 10 eggs under her at one point. Unless you mark them ( which we should probably start doing) there is no way to know which egg is which. So you just wait for a chick. A chick hatched last friday, it is such a cute little thing. It seems to be doing well. This is an experiment, letting her hatch her own eggs. We will have to see what the chicks disposition is like , my philosophy is "everyone does better with a momma" so we will see!
---------WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT--------- I wanted to update the chick section of this blog. Last night I brought in a bunch of eggs from our ADD hen. I told Stewy that since she doesn't sit on them consistently we need to make sure they are taken from her.  He started cracking the eggs ( there are sure to be embryo's in them we are just uncertain of the stage) he cracked an egg and it started chirping!!! I almost started crying as I said, "STOP STOP!! Take it back out and put in under the momma!!!! " So hopefully, we didn't damage that one to badly and it will hatch in a few more days!!------END EXPLICIT CONTENT-----    Sunday we added a new line of mammal to the farm.  I purchased 2 GOS (Glouchester Old Spot) and Large Black (creative huh?) mix hogs.  These both are rare heritage breeds and are meant to be raised on pasture (which is better for them anyway than raising them on grain , IMO) The meat with these guys is said to be much richer and smoother. Now, I already LOVE pork so a better tasting pork sounds GREAT to me. They are also AMAZING rooters. As long as they stay where they are supposed to, we plan on putting these girls to work having them turn over the land. We can then reseed and move them to another area of pasture. Between the chickens and the pigs, I am anticipating GREAT things! We got two females. My intent is to see how the summer goes with raising them. If we decide that pigs aren't our thing ( like we did with goats) then we will butcher both girls. If I like the idea and it works out well we have talked about butchering one and breeding the other. I named them "scrapple", the one that I anticipated that we would be eating, and,  "sweetie", the one that I anticipated that we would be breeding. However their dispositions did a little flip flop and Scrapple is the one who wants the attention and Sweetie is the one who thinks she is being murdered when you try to pet her.  They come when they are called (it's so fun to watch them come running). They have big floppy ears that act as blinders, so they are not as jumpy as some other pigs that you've seen. This is a neat new venture that I am very excited about!
    As far as the humans go, we are all doing well. The kids love the animals (especially the kittens) and #1 is always eager to go get the eggs for us. They are all such a big help (some days more than others, but we are working on that). We are still doing school and will continue with at least math and reading all year around. We plan to take breaks here and there as needed. That is the beauty of Home Schooling is you can do what is best for your children and for you ( but more of that for another time) .
    Enjoy the rain, God has given it to us for a reason.  Yes, it makes things hard to mow, and yes, there is lots of mud; but, there are SO MANY worse problems we could have. So my recommendation is go with it! The August dry heat will be here before you know it!

How YOU feelin??

     I started reading a book called Adrenal Fatigue  By Dr. James Wilson. It was recommended to me by a friend. She had started making diet changes and really started feeling so much better. So I thought I would look into this whole adrenal fatigue thing.  While reading the book it turns out that (according to the test in the book) I have moderate adrenal fatigue. My guess is that most all of the working moms, home schooling moms, have a certain level of adrenal fatigue. The thing is, it's something that can be fixed with diet, exercise, sleep, vitamins, etc. All the things that you need in your life anyway.
     So I started eating better, I cut way back on my carbs and cut out a bunch of sugar. I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee. I actually stopped caffeine all together ( and didn't have any migraines!) I increased my veggies, trying new ones that I hadn't tried before (endives, I don't recommend them) I LOVE Brussel Sprouts, always have. I got fresh ones though and not the ones that are frozen in a bag with "sauce" . I have been steaming things left and right. The book recommends trying different veggies and cooking them all different ways. Cooking the same vegetable different ways releases different nutrients. My alfalfa sprouts are growing in the kitchen right now. They should be good to eat tomorrow. I say all this to say.......
       I fell off the wagon Thursday night.  You see,  Thursday is our pizza night. Pizza sounded so good! Now, I could've just had one piece and stopped (I didn't ) and you know that with pizza you have to have soda ( my soda of choice is of course PEPSI!) After our dinner, we were watching our movie and I thought "Oh! we have ICE CREAM!!" So we ate ice cream. It was yummy.

~Oh wait..... did I tell you how GREAT I felt on Thursday ?(before I fell off the wagon)  I had felt so great because I had been GOOD for like a week or so!..... On top of eating better, I had been samba-ing around the house for about three days to the Rio Soundtrack. (The kids love it! especially Adelaide) My abs are killing me BTW...~
    
      So after my bingeing on Thursday I expected to not feel so well on Friday.  I actually felt OK. When I talk about feeling well I want you to know this is not just a "physically" well, but a "mentally" well.  I felt good on Friday but definitely not GREAT like I had felt on Thursday. Today is Saturday and I have felt like CRAP! Emotionally ,in a puddle on the floor and feeling like there is not a thing that I shouldn't eat.
     I say all of this to say. I am going to hop back on that horse in the morning. 1) Finish reading the book ( not just read enough to be dangerous , that's how I take my antibiotics! )2)  Eat better for me and for my family.3) Help my family eat better too!
      I really recommend checking out the book and see if any of the symptoms fit your life. Tired, wired,( actually Tired or Wired is the name of another book recommended to me, I haven't read it yet) weight gain, depressed, tons of other things like fertility issues, fibromyalgia, diabetes, there are all sorts of things that are effected because of your adrenal glands. It's worth a look! You never know what you might find! 

Nit-picky

     How important is it for you to be right? How important is it for you to make your voice heard? I had a struggle with this yesterday
     My wonderful, caring, considerate, husband was not doing things the way * I * would have done it.  I really let it get to me. He wasn't doing anything wrong, it definitely wasn't hurting anyone and I got all bent out of shape about it.  WHY? What good did it do? All day I tried to just let it go. For some reason I couldn't let it go until I talked to him about it. Thankfully he heard me out and did not get his feelings hurt, even though were the situation reversed I most likely would have.
     I am reminded of a quote I read from Debi Pearl " no man has ever crawled out from under his wife's criticism to be a better man- no matter how justified her condemnation". He doesn't go around the house telling me all the things that he wishes that I would do differently (sometimes I think it would do me good).
     I am making a resolution to adjust my heart. Before I start getting carried away with the things that he does or doesn't do, I want to look at myself and try and see things through his eyes. What do I do that drives him crazy? Laundry undone, dishes in the sink, floors unswept ( although not usually all at the same time ;) ?
     I challenge you, next time , before you criticize think of something you could do to help fix the problem. Next time the trash isn't taken out and it is overflowing try tying up the bags yourself, then take them out of the trash can, (that wasn't so bad was it) , might as well just walk it outside! Are you still alive? ( I only say that because the first time I did it, it didn't kill me either)
 I am sure that not all of these things apply to every household, I am sure though that you have your own things you could insert. Next time instead of blaming him, look to yourself. 

Being Feminine

I have had so many blogs on my mind and heart for a while now. With a gentle nudge from a friend I opted to go with this one.  First let me say that with most all of my blogs this is my opinion. I have a lot of opinions. I am not meaning to offend anyone or say that my way is the best way. Just another way.
   

      When you think of feminine what do you think of? A girl/woman with long hair? A woman wearing a dress or skirt? I used to think that being feminine (and modesty)  was more about what was on the inside than what was on the outside. How do you know which bathroom to go into at the restaurant? Because one of them has a dress on!
      I have always been more of a "tomboy" I never liked the idea of parading around in a dress, and doing "girly" things. I wanted to do what the boys were doing. Growing up, there was a period in my life where I was made to wear dresses or skirts. Unless I was doing something that was more practical to do wearing pants. (like riding a horse or hiking, etc). That lead me to rebel as soon as I was able! From that point on I very rarely wore dresses, only if it was a fancy occasion.
     I have recently been giving this whole modesty and feminity thing another chance. It started out because of my girls. They both LOVE dresses and skirts (well Adelaide likes skirts, Charlotte has no love for them). I on the other hand, most ALWAYS wear pants. Lets face it. One of my biggest concerns is having my 3rd born come up behind me, when out in public and lift my dress up, or go to the bathroom and accidently tuck my dress into my underwear!  I just felt that as a mother to 5 young kids it was more "practical" wearing pants. 
       How will my girls become Godly, modest, feminine women if I am not modeling that for them? Sure they can learn it from someone else. Why would I want someone else to be the influence in my childrens lives? God gave these children to ME to raise. He didn't give them to someone else! I am responsible for the way they dress, act, and live.
     That being said, I have revamped my wardrobe. Now I am not saying that I am ALWAYS going to wear dresses or skirts. I can't say that. I don't think that it is something that I HAVE to do. I do feel better about myself though when I am wearing something a little more dressy then my cotton knit capris ! Charlotte about peed her pants when I came out of the bedroom the other day wearing a dress (it was a casual dress). She said "oh Momma, I LOVE your dress, can you twirl?" Bless her heart! She was so thrilled that her momma was wearing a dress. If I can do something so simple to encourage her and build her up. Why not do it?
     If you are interested in a wonderful blog on modesty go to her site www.yourcourageousliving.blogspot.com She is a woman much older and wiser than I. She is in the season of her life where she can help us younger women to understand why we should not  dress in a way that is provocative to men and our brothers in Christ. I HIGHLY recommend checking it out.
      I hope that you have a great week. I hope that it won't be another month before my next update! There are lots of exciting things happening here at the homestead!

Power Tips

These are from a lecture I went to a the beginning of the month. The topic was "Being a Better Mother" the speakers name was Diane Sandusky.

                                                          POWER TIPS
1. Start your day by praying for patience and calmness for yourself and your children. Teach them to remember their Creator in the days of their youth.

2. Take a look at yourself, someone made a difference in you, so you can make a difference in your child.

3. Take TIME for yourself, have a 10 minute "power party" daily. Have a cup of coffee , tea, chocolate, etc.

4.Communicate with your friends. Many of them are facing the same struggles, they really are! You could have a double "10 minute power party". A cup of tea and friends.

5. Keep your sense of humor. It will calm your nerves and endear you to your children.

6. Remember to have plans, but, also remember that plans can and will change, its okay!!

7. Make bedtime a pleasent experience. Many children open their hearts at this time.

8. Be thankful for each day and learn something that will make tomorrow better.

9. Understand that sacrifices will have to be made at times.

10. Your children will make mistakes. Allow them to grow, let them choose sometimes.

She recommended putting them on your fridge. I did exactly that, I laminated them first though, there is always stuff flying around in my kitchen :)

I FEEL GREAT!

      I started to title this blog "It's kind of depressing". However, you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. (Did I really just call all of my friends flies?) I figured that people would be more likely to read a blog entitled "I feel great" rather than "I feel like crap". :)
     The truth is I do feel great! This is the first time in FIVE PREGNANCIES that I have felt wonderful.  I have had Post Partum Depression...let me back up. With Jake, I had the "baby blues", that's pretty normal. With Charley, I had some slight depression and even went on *GASP* medicine for a little while.
     With Abe, it was HORRIBLE!!! I have never felt so bad in my life ( that I haven't blocked out). I felt absolutely awful! I withdrew from everyone. The only people I even wanted to talk to were my husband and my mom. I didn't answer the phone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I would go on walks and want to just keep walking. I knew I was making my family miserable, I felt miserable , and I just knew that I everyone would be better off if I wasn't around. Not dead, just not around. I have never wanted to hurt myself or the kids, I have just wanted to start walking and not come back. This was horrible. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who knew to look for warning signs of depression and told me to call my midwife ( he may have even called, I don't remember) . Anyway, I went on meds again and with the exception of a brief period around the time right before I got pregnant with Adelaide, I have been on them ever since. 
     I used to be of the mindset that "I shouldn't have to be on medicine to deal with my life". Some of you may feel that way. Yes, everyone has good days and bad days. Everyone has ups and downs in their lives. There is a disease though called depression. Sometimes it is temporary, sometimes it is chronic. There are different ways to handle depression. Some medicate . With chocolate, meds, alcohol, exercise, etc. There are good ways and bad ways to handle yourself. After Laidey I was OK, things weren't nearly like they were with Abe but it was still a pretty good bout of PPD. There was a time when I would (what I call) "rage". I would scream, yell, and lose control of myself over the most ridiculous things. It makes me cringe and cry to think about it now. To think about my little ones faces. They didn't deserve the misery I put them throughNo one deserves that. I would be as good as I could manage when people were around, but, when I was alone with them. It was like I couldn't control myself.  It makes me so sad to think of how I handled myself. Most of the time I would approach the children and ask for forgiveness for my behavior. At that point though, it's to late! The damage had already been done. After Adelaide I have been on medicine consistently. This is a good thing, it is not a shameful thing, it helps me to be a better mom and I won't feel bad about that.
     Now, back to the beginning. I FEEL GREAT! I really feel that I can say that 10 weeks post partum, this is the best I have EVER FELT. A lot of that I know is my attitude towards things in life. I have really been trying to go with the flow and not let the little things wreck my day. So, Abe ate all my Reese Cups (which is a SEVERE offense) , oh well. I didn't really need them. So, Charlotte spilled her cup at lunch AGAIN! oh well, just have her get a rag and clean it up. So, the tire is flat AGAIN, oh well, you really didn't need to drive the truck today anyway. These things are OK. Not because I am medicated but because I can handle them. I am in control of my emotions, they are not in control of me. I am still on medicine ( I am sure there will be a point where I don't need it anymore, but if not, that is OK).  My outlook is great. Sure I still have bad days, doesn't everyone? I  just look for the silver lining and am not cranky about the clouds. I am enjoying my kids more. Stewy used to say to me, "I just want you to enjoy your kids".  I would be so insulted by that "of course I ENJOY my kids, I'm their mother, I have to enjoy them!!!" I really didn't enjoy them though. Charlotte touched me too much and Abe was always (he still is) into something, Jake is so sensitive and he just needs to "man up" (he was FOUR for Pete's sake!!!) Now I really am enjoying them. they are fun, crazy, kids. I am so very very blessed that God chose me to be their mother. I really have no idea what I would do without every single one of them. God gave me these little souls to steward, train and return to Him unharmed. I am doing my best. I am so thankful that I am not alone in this journey. I owe so much to my husband. He has always been so very understanding and empathetic with me. I never would have made it this far with out him.
     Anyway, that is my story, well, just a bit of my story. (If I told you everything we'd be here till next Sunday!!) I hope that you all are enjoying this ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS weather we have been having! It's still March so we know to expect a few more chilly days , I will take the sunny days when I can get em. Have a wonderful weekend and I hope you feel GREAT!!!

Knitting and such....

     I am sure that any of my FB friends that saw this title just rolled their eyes and opted to not read this *wink wink* .  I know that I have gotten a bit obsessive with my new found hobby but let me tell you I LOVE IT!!! I can be productive with out having to make a mess out of the kitchen by dragging my sewing machine out.  I can be productive in the truck when we are driving to Columbus (about an hour of knitting, one way) . I have made four scarves, one coaster, and I have started a shawl. The shawl is going to be a bigger undertaking than I anticipated ,due to the length of my needles. I love making things, I love looking at something and realizing that I did that. I am the same way about delicious meals. I WANT my family to LOVE eating the food momma makes for them. I don't think that it is prideFUL as much as it is having a sense of pride in what I have made. Anyway I am excited!!!
  Recently we have been discussing Family Entrepreneurialship (that's a word! Listen to Doug Phillips 200 Year Plan, www.visionforum.com) What can we do, as a family, to make money to support ourselves? My first thought is raising chickens for those who are interested in natural chickens and not ones that have been pumped full of junk.  My second thought is raising pigs, again for the same reason. My third thought is having bees, because honey is EXPENSIVE!! I know I have lots of ideas and we will just have to see where they lead us. These are not just my ideas, a lot of them came from Stewy too.  My fourth thought, is knitting my little heart out and selling things at Farmers Markets.  My fifth is teaching my children to knit and having a sweatshop in the back of our truck on the trips to Columbus!!  You can see where this is going and I won't bore you with anymore!!
   I have also had the interest, several of my friends have inspired me, to eat naturally. Eat food in the form that God intended it. Not in all of its processed glory.  I have conflicting thoughts but, I think that those will be laid to rest once I put my ideas in actions. Since Stewy is diabetic, I have been to a couple of "how to eat cause you are a diabetic classes". In the classes they promote eating some man made foods because the stuff God made isn't good for you. Like butter, which, should be eaten in moderation anyway right? Yeah, tell Abe that! So I have started learning some things from www.heavenlyhomemakers.com (thanks Laura) and we have some of those documentaries about the food industry in our Netflix queue. This is just something else that I am excited about!!
     As far as the weight loss goes, it does not go well. I haven't gained, but I haven't lost either. I am not motivated at this point to add this into my day. I am drinking more water, and trying to eat less (sometimes) but this is my downfall. Right now, I am OK with that. :)
    This is the first pregnancy in five where I have not had at least a small amount of PPD. I had it the worst with Abe, it was a little better with Adelaide. This is something that I struggle with and I have been very happy to feel pretty normal in these 9 weeks since Isaac.  I have changed my attitude a lot and I know that this has helped.  I am trying to give more things to God and trust in Him that he will take care of us.  Easier said than done, but, I feel pretty confident in where I am.
    Well, I know that it has been a while since my last post. Hopefully the next one will be sooner. I am busy you know......knitting!!!  

Freedom Day !

     February 10th is a very special day in my life, (My husband lovingly dubbed this date Freedom Day). This year on February 10th I celebrated 26 years of living with my family.  I was adopted. This is something that I am very proud of, one of the special things in my life that have helped me to become the Christian, wife, and momma that I am today. 
     My start in life was a rough one to say the least. I was abused by my birth mom and her boyfriend(s). Since my birth mom was not close to her family, none of my relatives had anyway of knowing what was going on. My mom tells me that I was a happy child and no one really knew how much this little girl with a smile on her face was really hurting.  It wasn't until I was almost three and my birth mom was arrested that anyone knew what was going on.  I was placed in foster care and went to live with some people who I don't remember. The only thing I remember about them was that their kids weren't very nice to me.(This explains why I block a lot of things out and have a TERRIBLE memory!)   Fortunately I wasn't in their care for very long, about 3 months. On February 10th 1984 I came to live with my Uncle Mark, Aunt Tina and baby cousin Travis (who was only about 3 months old at the time). My poor mom, went from being a brand new first time mom, to having a 3 month old and a 3 year old! She said I was a good little girl, mostly from fear that someone would give me away again. This was my "forever home" and I am so blessed that this is where God chose for me to be.   
     I don't say all of this to get sympathy from anyone.  There are children who are in terrible situations much longer than I was. There are some who never make it out alive. I say this because there are so many people who let their past dictate their future in a negative way.  How many people have a rough start in life  or even a tragic circumstance later in life and never recover from it. They just continue in a life filled with bad decisions and missteps? Even more than that how many people blame the decisions they have made and continue to make because " I was abused". I would NEVER say "get over it", that is simply not something that you can do. You can heal and you can grow, but, I don't know that you ever get over it. It is always with you, a part of you, for better or worse. It is your choice to decide which it will be. 
      Forgiving is the hard part. It took me many, many years to forgive Chris for what she did. Though,  holding that pain and anger only hurt me and my family. Talk about something that is hard to realize! Do you know how many years I wanted to just beat the snot out of her and slash her tires for what she did to me and let others do to me? The thing is, all of that didn't hurt her at all, all it did was give my power to her. She took enough things from me why would I want her to have my power too? Now, I pity her, I really do. I hope that someday she finds God and forgiveness for herself.
     I made lots of bad decisions in my life. LOTS! Those are not decisions that I ever said, "well things went wrong in my life that's why I did it". Rough circumstances are not a get out of jail free card. You have to own the decisions that you make. Take responsibility for your actions. Don't blame them on someone else. Every decision I made and consequence I paid helped me to become the person that I am today. I know that this sounds cliche but you can't regret things that you have done in your past. There is nothing you can do to change them, and , they made you who you are!  I through Christ have been forgiven of the bad decisions that I made. I have to remember that.  God doesn't remember them, I shouldn't either.
     One of the best things that I have come to realize lately is that you can change!! If things are rough in your life, change them!! If you yell at your kids (see previous post) change it ! If you are unhappy where you are CHANGE IT!! Don't go about it blindly, ask God for help. He is there for you. He kept me safe through many circumstances. His loving hands reached out to me and protected me, even when I was ignoring Him. He is there for you too!
    
    

CLEAN hearted & SOBER minded

     2 weeks ago I decided I was done losing my temper. I didn't lose it a lot. It was ALWAYS with the kids. If I was having a rough day then they were the ones that I lashed out against. A lot of the time it happened while Stewy was at work (of course). Not only did I lose my temper, I would yell. Not scream, not all the time, but it was my way of communicating with the kids and show my frustration.
      Abe especially seemed to be effected by this. He is the kid that my irritation was mostly towards since he is the one who 9 times outta 10 is the one getting into things! After an episode involving tomato soup, hands, and hair, I knew something had to give and I really needed to get his attention and work on behavior.  I had a friend suggest that after disciplining him we pray with him.  I honestly had never thought of doing that.  My prayer life is something that I really struggle with so it never occurred to me to pray with him after infractions.  The first thing that happened was I realized how he was feeling. One of the things that he would pray about ( I would pray first and then let him pray) was that he didn't want people to be mad at him. "please make Jake not be mad at me" "please let momma not be mad at me" etc. I never realized how much he thought people were mad at him. It broke my heart. I decided then that things HAD to change. I read somewhere that yelling is "rude and disrespectful" there is no excuse for it.  I decided I was going to be happy, have a positive attitude and let my light shine for my children, and my husband. 
     I decided that 2 weeks ago and I have to say that I feel so much better. Instead of yelling, I talk calmly. Instead of disciplining out of frustration, I discipline with a need.  I have been letting the kids help me in the kitchen which I have actually really enjoyed. I used to be of the mind that "I can get it done faster if you aren't here". While that is usually the case, I have realized the benefit of taking a moment to teach.  I am enjoying them so much. Don't get me wrong things aren't always roses and sunshine.  Today Charlotte is having an emotional day, she really should've had a nap and it is my fault for not making her take one.  Abe hasn't felt well so he has been a little fussy. Other than that I think that things have made such an improvement. I find that things that I normally would've let really get under my skin I am able to let go or laugh about. Instead of getting frustrated when I get asked for the 15th million time "what can I eat" (after they didn't eat their food) I am able to be silly and still parent effectively, and we are dancing and laughing a WHOLE lot more!
     I hope that they have noticed a difference and it isn't just in my head. I feel that things have been a lot more relaxed and happy lately. I want Stewy to be able to come home and have fun and relax with the family instead of walking into an atomic bomb! I'm glad that I finally put forth the effort to try and change instead of just wishing I could change.
     What is one thing you would like to change??

Day 1

     Today was a good day. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, not just the baby but a headache too. We were up bright and early this morning to head to CC (our home school group). Charlotte asked why we needed to go to CC at night, poor girl! The kids did great and learned lots.  Unfortunately by mid morning I had my headache again (crazy hormones, I blame mostly everything on them these days).  Jake went home with his best friend JT after CC and is spending the night. We will get him tomorrow, Charley keeps telling me how much she misses him. 
     I did my weight this morning so that I have a base line to use for my weight loss adventure. It was less than my pre pregnancy weight so I was super excited about that and feel like I have some great motivation heading forward.  I did find out some great news today from my friend Lisa.  Because I am nursing Its fine to eat past 8pm, I just need to be smart about my choices. So I got a couple of recipes to try.  I haven't done great with my water today, I usually catch up on that in the evening though. 
     I didn't do any exercise today, I am only 2 weeks post partum so I am giving that a couple more weeks so my legs don't just fall off of my body when I start working out! There is an app on my iPod called Loseit that tracks your exercise and food intake , I used to last year sometime and liked it so I fired it up again today. I have a friend (Teri) who said she has had great success with it and we are going to motivate each other to push through.  
     I feel good about today and good about moving forward. The only thing that I feel that I need now is more food spiritually. I am involved in a couple of different studies. One starts this Thursday and I am really excited about it. The other one I haven't been to in a few weeks but am hoping to pick it up again next week.
     I hope that everyone has had a great day. I know that this isn't of interest to everyone but it has helped me to just be able to write everything down!
     Finishing the last of the John Adams HBO series with my hunny goodnight!
    

It's a new day!

I have been inspired to start a blog (Thank you Mindy Sherin, Jill Hughes, Amber Farmer). There are things in my life that I want to change and I am hoping that writing them down will give me some sort of accountability.
     I am 2 weeks to the day, post partum from our 5th baby.  I have been thinking about loosing weight since I was about 8 months pregnant/.  During this pregnancy I hit my highest weight ever. Although, I only gained about 22 pounds total.  I really want to get into a healthy weight before our next baby. (yes, I said NEXT baby, the McMichaels having kids really shouldn't surprise anyone anymore).
     I am wanting to start this weight loss thing slowly so that I can make sure I keep my momentum by not implementing to much at once.
     Tomorrow I will start with a food journal and not eating after 8 pm. That one is hard for me right now. Especially with having the baby, he doesn't go to bed till about 11 anyway so to not eat for those few hours will be a test! WATER WATER WATER!
     Tomorrow I will do my starting weight, I am already back to my pre-pregnancy weight which is a nice head start! I am hoping that doing this will also inspire others (my husband) to start their own journey. There are a couple of goals that I have for myself this year. I am not going to post them, they are for me only right now.  If you are reading this and you have any advice or something that has worked specifically for you in a fitness/weight loss journey please feel free to share. I would love to know what has worked for you!
    Here's to better health and a long life!