Freedom Day !

     February 10th is a very special day in my life, (My husband lovingly dubbed this date Freedom Day). This year on February 10th I celebrated 26 years of living with my family.  I was adopted. This is something that I am very proud of, one of the special things in my life that have helped me to become the Christian, wife, and momma that I am today. 
     My start in life was a rough one to say the least. I was abused by my birth mom and her boyfriend(s). Since my birth mom was not close to her family, none of my relatives had anyway of knowing what was going on. My mom tells me that I was a happy child and no one really knew how much this little girl with a smile on her face was really hurting.  It wasn't until I was almost three and my birth mom was arrested that anyone knew what was going on.  I was placed in foster care and went to live with some people who I don't remember. The only thing I remember about them was that their kids weren't very nice to me.(This explains why I block a lot of things out and have a TERRIBLE memory!)   Fortunately I wasn't in their care for very long, about 3 months. On February 10th 1984 I came to live with my Uncle Mark, Aunt Tina and baby cousin Travis (who was only about 3 months old at the time). My poor mom, went from being a brand new first time mom, to having a 3 month old and a 3 year old! She said I was a good little girl, mostly from fear that someone would give me away again. This was my "forever home" and I am so blessed that this is where God chose for me to be.   
     I don't say all of this to get sympathy from anyone.  There are children who are in terrible situations much longer than I was. There are some who never make it out alive. I say this because there are so many people who let their past dictate their future in a negative way.  How many people have a rough start in life  or even a tragic circumstance later in life and never recover from it. They just continue in a life filled with bad decisions and missteps? Even more than that how many people blame the decisions they have made and continue to make because " I was abused". I would NEVER say "get over it", that is simply not something that you can do. You can heal and you can grow, but, I don't know that you ever get over it. It is always with you, a part of you, for better or worse. It is your choice to decide which it will be. 
      Forgiving is the hard part. It took me many, many years to forgive Chris for what she did. Though,  holding that pain and anger only hurt me and my family. Talk about something that is hard to realize! Do you know how many years I wanted to just beat the snot out of her and slash her tires for what she did to me and let others do to me? The thing is, all of that didn't hurt her at all, all it did was give my power to her. She took enough things from me why would I want her to have my power too? Now, I pity her, I really do. I hope that someday she finds God and forgiveness for herself.
     I made lots of bad decisions in my life. LOTS! Those are not decisions that I ever said, "well things went wrong in my life that's why I did it". Rough circumstances are not a get out of jail free card. You have to own the decisions that you make. Take responsibility for your actions. Don't blame them on someone else. Every decision I made and consequence I paid helped me to become the person that I am today. I know that this sounds cliche but you can't regret things that you have done in your past. There is nothing you can do to change them, and , they made you who you are!  I through Christ have been forgiven of the bad decisions that I made. I have to remember that.  God doesn't remember them, I shouldn't either.
     One of the best things that I have come to realize lately is that you can change!! If things are rough in your life, change them!! If you yell at your kids (see previous post) change it ! If you are unhappy where you are CHANGE IT!! Don't go about it blindly, ask God for help. He is there for you. He kept me safe through many circumstances. His loving hands reached out to me and protected me, even when I was ignoring Him. He is there for you too!
    
    

CLEAN hearted & SOBER minded

     2 weeks ago I decided I was done losing my temper. I didn't lose it a lot. It was ALWAYS with the kids. If I was having a rough day then they were the ones that I lashed out against. A lot of the time it happened while Stewy was at work (of course). Not only did I lose my temper, I would yell. Not scream, not all the time, but it was my way of communicating with the kids and show my frustration.
      Abe especially seemed to be effected by this. He is the kid that my irritation was mostly towards since he is the one who 9 times outta 10 is the one getting into things! After an episode involving tomato soup, hands, and hair, I knew something had to give and I really needed to get his attention and work on behavior.  I had a friend suggest that after disciplining him we pray with him.  I honestly had never thought of doing that.  My prayer life is something that I really struggle with so it never occurred to me to pray with him after infractions.  The first thing that happened was I realized how he was feeling. One of the things that he would pray about ( I would pray first and then let him pray) was that he didn't want people to be mad at him. "please make Jake not be mad at me" "please let momma not be mad at me" etc. I never realized how much he thought people were mad at him. It broke my heart. I decided then that things HAD to change. I read somewhere that yelling is "rude and disrespectful" there is no excuse for it.  I decided I was going to be happy, have a positive attitude and let my light shine for my children, and my husband. 
     I decided that 2 weeks ago and I have to say that I feel so much better. Instead of yelling, I talk calmly. Instead of disciplining out of frustration, I discipline with a need.  I have been letting the kids help me in the kitchen which I have actually really enjoyed. I used to be of the mind that "I can get it done faster if you aren't here". While that is usually the case, I have realized the benefit of taking a moment to teach.  I am enjoying them so much. Don't get me wrong things aren't always roses and sunshine.  Today Charlotte is having an emotional day, she really should've had a nap and it is my fault for not making her take one.  Abe hasn't felt well so he has been a little fussy. Other than that I think that things have made such an improvement. I find that things that I normally would've let really get under my skin I am able to let go or laugh about. Instead of getting frustrated when I get asked for the 15th million time "what can I eat" (after they didn't eat their food) I am able to be silly and still parent effectively, and we are dancing and laughing a WHOLE lot more!
     I hope that they have noticed a difference and it isn't just in my head. I feel that things have been a lot more relaxed and happy lately. I want Stewy to be able to come home and have fun and relax with the family instead of walking into an atomic bomb! I'm glad that I finally put forth the effort to try and change instead of just wishing I could change.
     What is one thing you would like to change??